Blocking My Own Path To Joy- Have Some Fun Already!

For some reason I tend to have very deep thoughts while driving. Maybe it's because I'm alone and there are no distractions. The radio is off and I enjoy the quiet.

The other day while talking out loud to God, I was asking for help.

I have this habit of giving it all to God, only to take it back.

I digress. I was talking to God, the angels, my mother and whoever else was listening. Words started coming out of my mouth as if I needed to hear them. Bear with me because I know that sounds a little crazy. It's not- at least not to me! I was coming to the realization I really get in my own way. I have a tendency to hold on to baggage and emotions that no longer serve me. I deeply sensed how doing so only blocks joy from entering my life. That's not to say I don't have any joy in my life. I do. But I also have baggage. Who doesn't?

In a conversation much like what I'm sharing with you, I asked God to help me surrender all thoughts, emotions, and beliefs that no longer serve me. I asked the Angels to take and carry away all the hurts, scars, unsettling feelings, old wounds and memories that do nothing but hurt me and prevent me from living life to the fullest. In living my life to the fullest and allowing joy to replace old wounds (baggage), I'm better able to live the life God wants me to live and serve Him by serving others.

I deserve joy- just like you do.

When you're weighed down by feelings that twist your gut, make you sad and cause you to become moody or lethargic, it's tough to be joyful. If I can let go of all the baggage, throwing it out into the pond behind the house and watching it sink, there will be so much more room in my life for joy.

I pictured myself handing over my old wounds, scars, sad feelings, jealousies, and more to the Angels. They willingly took them from me, placed them in a bucket and carried them off to God. Acutely aware I couldn't fix these things, nor did they need fixing because they were in the past, I knew by letting them go I was freeing up space within my soul. I have learned from old hurts and they have made me into the person I am today. Reliving and experiencing them no longer serves me. The lessons learned from those experiences serves me.

I began the process of letting go. That doesn't mean I am done- I am not. I'm beginning and that, in and of itself, is transformation.

Awareness is the first step to any change. Awareness gently inspires you to change what needs to be changed. Awareness encourages you and leads you to a place of transformation. It is a journey of many steps.

By becoming more aware of the need to let go, I am on my way to living a life of joy and sharing that joy- more than I'm doing now. I'm closer to living the life God has waiting for me. It's just beyond my fingertips- beyond the wall I've built between me and it.

My mother lived her life this way. I lost her a little over a year ago but always feel her near. While having these thoughts, I thought of her, too. It was as if she was saying, "Ellen, let it go. Don't let yourself get upset by the things that only block your way to happiness. Live your life. Have some fun already!"

To God, the Angels and to you mom I say, I'm trying. I really am. I just need some help. Thanks for giving it to me.

Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of